Friday, May 20, 2011

Thoughts on Identity

Experiencing both sides of the coin myself, I deeply relate to those in the mud.  Just as the lotus, I'm a living example showing it's possible to break the surface of confinement and come into a new world (the authentic world) unscathed. 

One of the most interesting things I've found about my former identity is that it was craftier than I even knew.  The front or mask of "well put together" or "very organized" (<- if you've seen my house, are you kidding me?  It's the other end of the spectrum from what I present to the professional world) and "generous" and "relatable" and "fun".... all were masks I wore to compensate for gaping holes that 98% of the people in my life were never even privy to.  Then the 2% that did ever see them, fell into them.  Those that knew me deeply got hurt, and those that did not get hurt... hardly knew me at all.  I spent the first 32 years, just repeatedly trying to fill in holes... that weren't even there to being with. 

Honestly, until now... seeing the world from outside myself, I never knew compassion.  Not like this.  I certainly never knew compassion for one's self.  When you have compassion for others, you gain compassion for yourself.  "You have to Give it, to Get it".  This little quote applies to literally everything I've encountered from this space. Everything we need to know about the world is out there in the world, not in here with just you, or just me, or just that person over there.  Most of us have inherited the thought to look within for the answers.  There are no answers within... there are no answers inside caves or cages that we contain ourselves in to perpetuate the disconnection.  The only thing within, are things you already know... but nothing more... the new data comes from the real world (hints why even a hermit is a book-a-holic).  Take in that data clearly, and you gain more 10% more knowledge in each occurrence.  Take REAL data, out here in real reality that is not alllllll about you... and that knowledge awakens Emotional Maturity and an array of levels of Self Awareness.

When access to food (if you can even call it that these days) changed and we no longer were required to work with our neighbors to hunt, grow and harvest and insure our survival... that was the start of a huge disconnection.  It separated people, and then from there they thought separation was progress... then came single family "dwellings", and people stopped being with people and learning from people, they stopped being with the world and started just being with themselves.  They embraced their cage as home and said, this is all that there is.... all that I want... and the cage has to be bigger and fancier to make me happy... and it's continued like that... materialism to mask the hole left from the disconnection.  Come on people, it's still a cage!!!  And then this underlying sense of "why I can't connect with people" ran in the shadows of their minds.  The sadness of feeling disconnected, isolated, alone, why me syndrome.  Welcomed into creation Depression, Social Anxiety, Low Self Esteem.  Those happenings collapsed with the internal dialogue resulted in the internal answer to the internal question that "it's them, not me..." and "this is just the way the world is" and "I have no power over what happens to me"...  Again, there are no answers within. 

"If you can distinguish it, you are not it".  That is self-awareness.  To distinguish everything you encounter.. until nothing is left.  And each time you find nothing, create something new there.   Self can distinguish we are not our emotions, feelings, beliefs, intuitions, stories (Identity is the makeup of those things and how we reenact them).... If you can distinguish it, you are not it... and only in resisting that knowledge do we perpetuate identity. 

I'd like to encourage the world to stop resisting being one's self.

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